This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.

~Hebrews 4:15-16 (New Living Translation)

So, last week we had a day off of work to honor the life of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. My children’s daycare was closed, as was my office, so I was tasked with trying to figure out what to do with my children all day long.

As I sat trying to put a plan together on Sunday night (I always have to have a plan with these little ones), I found myself at a crossroads. My best self wanted to plan a MLK Day activity for them: read a Civil Rights-themed book (We March), talk about the importance of Dr. King’s work, and maybe finish up with a craft—Dr. King coloring sheets perhaps.

My tired-mommy self wanted to just find some age-appropriate kid movie on Netflix and not have to figure out a creative and gentle way to tell my kids that they will encounter people who hate them simply because of how they look.  And then make them take a nap that stretched long into the afternoon.

It was a day off. I was tired. I wanted and needed a break. I had a jam-packed week ahead, even though it was only four days long. I work hard. I deserve a break, I told myself. And then I felt that gentle tug at my heart that I was trying so desperately to ignore. I knew the right thing to do. It was the hard thing, but it was the right thing. With a small sigh of resignation and a quick prayer for energy and strength, I propped myself up on the sofa, cracked open my MacBook and started combing through Pinterest pages, looking for a meaningful, but manageable MLK craft project for my kids.

I think that this principle also applies to living life on Jesus’ terms. So often, being our best selves, being the person the Lord has called us to be, requires us to do the hard thing. It requires us to apologize, when our pride wants us to sit silent.  It forces us to look at the not-so-pretty parts of ourselves so that we can let God fix us up. This principle requires us to stop and consider others, when it’s easier to busily brush past someone else’s needs to get to the next thing on our to-do list. Sometimes, it even requires us to stand up for ourselves, when it would just be easier to let our legitimate needs go unnoticed.

The thing is, though, we don’t have to do that hard thing alone. The Lord offers us help. He invites us to give the hard stuff to him. He has promised to shoulder our burdens, to help us do the hard thing. We need only to acknowledge that we can’t do the hard thing alone, in our own strength, and pray and earnestly ask for his help in doing what we know is right, even when it’s hard to do. With God’s help, we can do the hard thing, the right thing, and live each day knowing that our life and efforts are pleasing to our Heavenly Father–a really good thing.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.
 Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. 

~Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT

In the movie Hitch, (which is apparently my favorite rom-com ever because I keep finding random ways to analogize it to my life), Will Smith’s character Alex “Hitch” Hitchins takes Eva Mendes’ character, Sara Melas, on a first date, which includes a trip to Ellis Island. Hitch eventually ends up showing Sara the signature of her distant relative, and she becomes highly emotional and starts into a weird, panicked crying spasm of sorts. It was a strange, albeit funny, reaction to Hitch’s plan. And for the perfect comedic punchline effect, as Sara runs away in a fit of semi-hysteria, Hitch remarks, “I saw that going differently in my head.”

And that phrase is the perfect response to my life in its present condition. My personal and professional worlds have been simultaneously colliding and unraveling in front of my very eyes. Or at least, it feels that way. I am not as sharp as I once was, as an attorney, and I am not sure why. At home, I am out of place and out of sorts, with no clear path back to normal. The funny thing is, the more effort and energy I exert in trying to keep these planets of my life in orbit, the more they seem to want to crash and fall. I am in my 30s, a wife, a mother, an attorney. I have checked off all of the boxes that I wanted to have checked by this time in my life, and yet I am faced with the undeniable feeling that nothing is as it should be. Just like Hitch, I saw this going differently in my head.

So what do I do now? What do I do now that I find the vision of my life and what I thought I wanted lying at my feet? I pray, that’s what I do. Because in spite of all of the confusion around me, I know that the Lord promised to give me guidance if I acknowledged Him. He also instructed me not to rely on my own understanding of things. Not to worry God, because I can’t tell my up from my down right now, so no need to pretend like I understand anything about my life right at this moment.

And yet, I have an inkling, a feeling that God has me right where He wants me: confused, unsure, and ready to rely totally on Him. There’s a lesson to be learned here, and I want to grasp it, in part, so that I hopefully don’t have to come back to this place. But I also want to learn this lesson because I believe that the Lord is really trying to show me something. I don’t know what it is, exactly, but I sit with open ears and an open heart. And I believe that He will direct me. He will show me which way to go. I know the Lord will reach me to guide and give me direction–even if He has to go to Ellis Island.

For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.  ~Isaiah 9:6 NLT

Ugh, I just need to write something down. I totally just need to take the time to write down my thoughts. But what am I going to say? And actually, when do I actually have time to write down anything besides a grocery list? Or a to do list? Which reminds me, did I add bananas to the grocery list? I mean, I should be able to remember them, we get them every week. But I should put it on the list just in case. And speaking of lists, I really need to redo mine. I don’t think the multiple to do lists are working. Or maybe I should make printed to do lists with graphics and highlights and pretty colors so I’ll be more attentive to the lists. Oh, and I need to add the kids’ dentist appointments to the list because I have to check and make sure our new dental insurance is accepted at the old dentist place. Which reminds me, have I finished doing all of the Christmas shopping for the kids? I gotta remember to check the budget. How far off are we on our spending, I mean, cause I know we’re off. Hopefully it’s not by too much though. I totally have been meaning to check our mint.com account. I think something funky is going on with the bank accounts it’s connected to. For some reason, there are duplicate accounts showing up, and I can’t figure out why. This is totally hindering my plans for budgeting because I need Mint to track my spending. I do so good at the beginning of the month, but then fall off with keeping up with everything. Keeping up, man I totally felt like I could not keep up in spin class the other day…wait, I have spin tomorrow. Ugh, I have spin tomorrow. (Expletive.) If I could just stop eating a whole bag of Annie’s Bunnies in one sitting, maybe I wouldn’t need spin class so much. 5:45 is just so early. But I need to be getting up early anyway. It’s better for me. On my off  gym days I really need to get up early to have some devotional time. When was the last time I had devotional time? Maybe early isn’t really my thing. I should probably do quiet time at lunch time instead. But then I’d have to leave the office. Oh shoot, I forgot to call my client back. And I need to order that subpoena. I have to get that subpoena out, that court date is coming up. I need to add that to my work to do list.

This is my brain. It’s not even my brain on drugs. It’s just my brain. And I know I’m not the only one. This time of year, and every other month if I’m being completely honest, sends my head swirling. But I’m grateful that I know the Prince of Peace who reminds me to stop and breathe and remember my reason for being: Him. And because I was reminded today, I remind you. During the hectic rush up to the holidays while we’re rushing to complete work projects, last minute shopping, or late night baking or cooking, take a minute to stop, breathe, and remember Jesus. It’s so centering. I should really try to do it more often. Maybe I’ll put it on my to do list…

As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.

~Proverbs 27:17 (NLT)

The thing is, I’ve never really liked cheerleaders. Maybe it was my all-girls-school upbringing where we were always encouraged to play the sport, rather than cheer on other, presumably male, athletes. Or maybe I just took one too many Women’s Studies classes in undergrad. Either way, I’ve never really been wild about the clapping, dancing, waving, pom-pom-wielding folks on the sidelines.

Until recently. The past couple of months have been fairly trying for me. I have been adjusting to a new work environment, learning a new area of law, and just not feeling so great about my ability to pull off the daily balancing act of being a working woman, a wife, mother and general co-manager of my household. On one particular day, I called my mother and was just in tears about one particular struggle I was having. After a brief “Mom?” to ensure it was her, I proceeded to unload all my heart’s trouble on her– brave, brave soul. After listening to an earful of my sobs and slobberings, my mother took a deep breath, and dived into the morass of my life.

With the skill of a trained therapist, my mother began to methodically ask questions, brainstorm, and make suggestions. She walked me through each possible solution step by step. She listened to my feedback, and gave additional suggestions and feedback of her own. She repeatedly told me that I was capable, that I could tackle this problem, that I could do it. By the end of the conversation, I had a plan and my confidence was restored. I felt so much better. (Thanks mom).

The other day, I was talking to one of my best friends about another challenge that seemed fairly insurmountable at the time. (I promise y’all, I have happy days and am usually fairly pleasant in my disposition!) She suggested prayer and fasting and said she would join along with me in doing so. Walking with me step by step.

There is so much value in having someone’s back. I wouldn’t know what to do if there weren’t people in my life who had mine. So often we all put on this tough exterior for the outside world. We put on this face that says we’re unflappable, unbothered, and tough as nails, and can get the job done. And there is certainly a place for that, I think. But there are definitely times when I’ve appreciated my cheerleaders, whether it’s been my husband, my mom or my best friends, who have come alongside and gave a rallying cry and encouraged me to keep it moving.

So, as it turns out, there is value in cheerleading. Who knew? Sending an encouraging text, a thoughtful email, or just a poignant conversation can help someone along the way. And why else are we here, if not to help each other?  Who have you done splits and a backflip for recently? Next time you think about it, or someone comes to mind, take a minute to mentally, (emphasis on mentally) put on your short little skirt and mid drift top and do back flips for someone. Tell your spouse they can achieve the goal they’ve set. Talk to your friends and make sure they’re not discouraged about whatever endeavor they’re participating in. Walk with a friend through their issues step by step. Tell them they can do it. Rah, rah, sis boom bah, and all that. It makes a world of a difference. 2,4, 6, 8, whom do we appreciate? (And I can’t believe I’m saying this): cheerleaders.

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. . . yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” ~Ecclesiastes 3: 11 First, let me just just address the obvious. Yes, …

Source: MAC by Any Other Name

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“He has made everything beautiful in its time. . . yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” ~Ecclesiastes 3: 11

First, let me just just address the obvious. Yes, it has been an incredibly long time since I posted. I feel like I should begin this post with “Cash Money Records takin’ over for the ’99” because I feel like that’s how long it’s been since I posted anything… However, I am back. A lot has been going on in the interim, namely, a new job! So excited about that. So it’s taken me a while to get my footing, but now that I have, I’m back and will return to posting more regularly, the Lord willing 🙂  Below are some thoughts I had a few weeks ago. Enjoy!

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“I just want foundation,” I found myself repeating in my  head. I looked mournfully at the MAC counter—an empty space in front of the register where a salesperson should have been. I glanced rather stoically at my feet where my one-year-old son had fallen out in a tantrum and had not yet gotten up. My eyes then traveled from my feet to my daughter, the three-year-old, standing beside me holding a bag of ice to her ear. I had arrived at daycare earlier that evening to find that her ear had swollen to mammoth proportions and was red and itchy.

Her ear reminded me of Will Smith’s ears and face when he got that food allergy in that movie with Eva Mendes. “What was it called?” I asked myself. “It’s that one where they go on a date on jet skis in the Hudson River,” I continued to think to myself. Drawing a blank on the movie title, I shifted my thoughts to the events of the day and how those events had landed me there, at the MAC counter, MAC-less.

I had left work an hour and a half earlier focused on a goal. I picked the kids up from daycare, drove directly home, gave my daughter some Benadryl and some ice, made quick PB&J sandwiches and headed out the door, determined to make it to the MAC counter before they closed. I had arrived to work that day sans foundation and my co-workers were looking at me like I had two heads.  I understood. I’m a person who wears makeup Monday through Friday, so to see me without it–to see the actual scars on my face, my uneven complexion–could be a little unsettling. My co-workers were used to seeing the illusion of perfection when it came to my skin, and dare I say, my life. But that particular morning, I was tired. I was late. And I just didn’t have the time or energy to put on the mask.

And really, I feel like that’s where God kind of has me right now. In my devotional time, I’ve been doing a study on finding my self-worth in Jesus. Through this study God has been showing me my inner scars and unbalanced, discolored places. Previously, I would get a peek of those areas and then quickly try to cover them up with the “foundation” of my life: my husband, kids and my profession. “See, aren’t we a perfect-looking family?” I’d ask the world around me. “No, there’s nothing wrong here. This lawyer-mommy-wife has it all together! I’ve got the career, handsome husband and beautiful kids to show for it.”

It’s one thing to put on makeup to enhance your face, your natural features. It’s quite another to put makeup on to completely transform who you are. (Think glam squad versus horror movie makeup artist). The Lord is now making me hold up the mirror to really examine myself without my foundation. I thought I was just enhancing my look, and the Lord is like “no, no, you thought you’re working on the set of The Walking Dead.” What a journey it’s been! And it ain’t over.

But in the process of washing off all of the caked layers of pretend perfection, I’ve discovered a gentle redeeming love and grace that allows me to look myself squarely in the face, observe my scars and discolorations, and call them good. I know that they are good because the Lord says so. I know that every scar and blemish has come from living, and is a testament to the hurt I’ve experienced (some of it self-inflicted). The scars are also a testament to God’s gentle love that has pulled me up and told me to continue on. Slowly but surely, God is showing me how to enhance, not mask. And that is foundation worth waiting on.

Dear friends, do you think you’ll get anywhere in this if you learn all the right words but never do anything? Does merely talking about faith indicate that a person really has it? For instance, you come upon an old friend dressed in rags and half-starved and say, “Good morning, friend! Be clothed in Christ! Be filled with the Holy Spirit!” and walk off without providing so much as a coat or a cup of soup—where does that get you? Isn’t it obvious that God-talk without God-acts is outrageous nonsense? –James 2:14-17 MSG

I’m notorious for praying like I don’t have two hands and two feet. Seriously. Every time I get ready to write a blog post, my prayer is always, “Lord, bless me with the words to say that will minister to and inspire others.” Sounds good, right?  But for Him to faithfully honor that prayer, I have to write–faithfully.

Take this post for instance; it was a good two or three weeks in the making. I believe God has called me to write this blog and to create weekly posts. I’ve been trying to work my way up to that, but if I’m going to be honest, I could put forth more effort where my consistency is concerned.  But while my blog collects dust between posts, my prayers are still going up. So the whole time I’m praying and asking God to bless this area of my life, and increase this area of my life, while neglecting the very area that He told me to tend to. If I believe I am supposed to be writing this blog, and I’m wanting him to do more in my life, then why am I not writing more?

I’m waiting on God to move and do things in my life, while simultaneously trying to ignore the fact that He’s asked me to do some things as well. It’s like I’m trying to have a staring contest with God, waiting to see who’s going to blink or move first. Who does that?  For the record, this post will probably be shorter than the others because I am, in a sense, yelling at myself. So glad you could bear witness.

In all seriousness though, this pattern of I-do-nothing-while-God-does-everything can’t be what He had in mind. Otherwise, why do I have a body? Why do I have a mind, a will and emotions? Because I’m supposed to be doing something, that’s why.

And you know what realization really prompted me to put my butt back in the chair and write? I could stay like this. Forever. If I know that God is calling me to do something and I don’t do it, I’m wasting my days. Let me give you another example, and just put all my business in the streets. Y’all know that’s what I do, anyway. I’ve asked God to increase the income of my household. Great. So, that’s my prayer. In the past, I’ve been not so great with money. I believe that God is asking me to do some specific things, one of which is to increase my financial literacy, before He blesses me with more money. Makes sense, right? Guess how quickly I’ve moved to pick up my Dave Ramsey book on money stuff? You guessed it: at. a. snail’s. pace. So I can sit up here and talk about how I’m just “waiting on the Lord” and feign a trial of endurance and patience, when really, God’s going through an actual trial of endurance and patience waiting on me. Fix it, Jesus.

After it’s all said and done, I have work to do, and I should get busy doing it. Lord, grant me the discipline, desire and tenacity to complete the things that you have called me to do. Amen.

So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law. 2 Listen! I, Paul, tell you this: If you are counting on circumcision to make y…

Source: That Time I Got It Wrong

So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law. ² Listen! I, Paul, tell you this: If you are counting on circumcision to make you right with God, then Christ will be of no benefit to you. ³ I’ll say it again. If you are trying to find favor with God by being circumcised, you must obey every regulation in the whole law of Moses. ⁴ For if you are trying to make yourselves right with God by keeping the law, you have been cut off from Christ! You have fallen away from God’s grace.   ~Galatians 5:1-4

I used to think that I had to work to earn God’s love. And it’s so funny that I would think that because growing up in church, I always heard the old folks say “salvation is free.” (And it is. Ephesians 2:8) I knew in my head that I didn’t have to do anything to earn salvation and redemption through Jesus, but Jesus’ love? That was a different story.

I had to work for Jesus’ love and approval. In my mind the two were equal. If I wanted the Lord to approve of me, and therefore love me, I had to work. So growing up, especially in my single, young adult years, I was at every church service. I was heavily involved in the young adult ministry and anything else Jesus-related that I could squeeze into my schedule. I wanted to please God. I wanted to show Him that I loved Him and hoped that in return He would love me.

I remember thinking when I was single that I had to walk out the single life in the exact. right. way. I didn’t even want to look at a guy the wrong way, for fear that God would be displeased with my actions. I wanted to show God that I loved him through my actions. I had to get it right all the time. I remember trying to check every box as I struggled to live the single life. I read every Michelle McKinney Hammond book I could get my hands on (which were GREAT, by the way), trying to make sure I was conducting myself the right way while I was single. If I wasn’t walking the single walk exactly how it had been drawn out for me in those books, then God would be upset with me, and wouldn’t love me as much. (And wouldn’t send me a man, I’m just gonna be honest. And I wanted a man!) But that thinking had me busy, and vexed, and scared to speak to any man who wasn’t already married. And I wasn’t very happy beneath the surface, and I didn’t even realize it.

As I reflect now, I realize that there’s nothing wrong with being involved in church and wanting to serve the Lord and his people, and wanting to behave in the way that God instructs me to. All those things are good. But in doing those things, my motive was wrong. And it was exhausting. Somewhere down the line, I got my wires crossed and thought that if I wasn’t at every service, if I wasn’t jam-packing every ounce of my schedule with Jesus-related events and being the good Christian single, then God wouldn’t love me. He wouldn’t bless me.

Recently, I have come to realize that the Lord loves me, just as I am. It’s so weird after all these years of being about Jesus to not have grasped that truth. God loves me even if I do nothing. He loves me and approves of me. He created me and thinks that I’m beautiful and good just as I am. I don’t have to work myself into a tizzy trying to prove to God that I am worthy of His love. That idea was mind-blowing to me. For so long I grappled with the verse at the beginning of the post. “What was I free from?” I used to ask myself. And even in reflecting now, I think that freedom that Paul is referring to, can be freedom from a lot of different things. But for me, it’s freedom from myself. I wanted to hold myself to an impossible standard. In my mind, I had to get it right all the time. And really, if I could do that, what would I need Jesus for?

If I’m going to really just lie on the therapeutic couch that this blog has become, I think I believed this version of God because it was one that I could control. If God really works this way in my mind, then I am in control of how much God loves me, and cares for me. But ultimately, I am not in control–Jesus is. Once I have received salvation, God’s love for me, his redemption, is not up to me. He’s already done it. I could literally plop down, sit cross-legged, and carve my name in the dirt all day, and He wouldn’t love me any less.

So now, with this new discovery, I have taken a minute to just relax and breathe and allow myself to be who I am. If I slip up and curse while I’m mad, it’s OK. The Lord’s grace covers me. If I don’t respond as I should to a co-worker or family member, or don’t act in just the right way towards someone, God won’t strike me down and turn his back on me. It sounds so extreme, but I really was caught up in this type of thinking for such a long time. There is freedom in excepting the salvation and grace of Christ.

I should want to speak in a way that encourages people, and behave in a way that is loving toward my co-workers and family members because that’s what the Lord wants and instructs me to do. But if I’m having a moment and get it wrong, it’s OK. There’s grace for that.

As an aside, this post was difficult for me to write because, in my mind, it doesn’t have that “knock your socks off” effect that my last post had.  But I’m finding out that God is not only in the major, in your face events, but He’s also in those everyday, quite lessons and revelations too. I love that about Him.