This is a blog about rediscovering God. The thing is, for most of my life I have felt like I had a handle on God, if you will. Presumptuous of me, I know. But that’s how I have felt. I loved God and He loved me. I prayed, He answered, and things, for the most part, were great. Growing up, throughout high school and college, I was the Christian “good girl” and everyone knew me as such. I prayed when I was supposed to, I fasted, went to church, read my Bible and everything was good. I would believe God for things, boldly and outright with no hesitation, and I would get them. That’s how it had always been.
Fast-forwarding through my life, I went to law school, got married, got a job, had kids and now I look up and my vision of God is blurred. I don’t know what happened along the way, but somewhere in my adult life, my perception of God, my assurance in Him was shaken–is shaken. And this blog is about my journey back to God. Back to a place where I believe Him, where I believe his Word, and I courageously live the life that He wants for me.
My relationship with God is so complicated now, where it wasn’t before. Like, it’s hard for me to focus and pray in church when five minutes before walking in, I was arguing with my husband and I’m still so angry that I could scream. It’s hard to sit in silence and listen for God’s voice, when my toddler is crying out from her room because she doesn’t want to go to sleep. I’ve been challenged in giving my tithe when I know that both of my kids need new clothes. It just seems like life moved in and God moved out–or at least moved over a bit. And the irony of it all is that I prayed for all of these things that seem to take me away from God. And they are good things. I prayed for a job, I prayed for a husband, I prayed for children. And God gave me every last one of those things. (Man, He’s faithful). But they all come with great responsibility, and a lot of times I feel like there’s no time left for God. And having no time left for God has left me feeling a little hopeless.
But if there is anything that this crazy busy life of mine has taught me, it’s that I need Jesus. He is necessary for my life. Hence this blog. I need the Lord so badly, that I have attempted to document my journey back to Him as a means of self-accountability. I need to document this. I need to figure out what my relationship with God looks like now that I don’t have the time to sit hours on end reading the Bible. So this blog (and my life) is about finding a way to reconnect with the Lord. Figuring it out, little by little. Post by post.